Christmas Music & Its Importance to Relationships

Happy holidays!
I have had a great few days reflecting on love--love in family, Christ, relationships, and friendships.  Starting new traditions, staring at Christmas lights on a tree, looking at ornaments, and listening to Christmas music.  The latter was just an assumed part of the Christmas season.  Beginning December 1st it was socially acceptable to bring out the tunes and sing merrily along, looking forward to the 25th.  At least that was how my life used to be...

Little did I know that not everyone has the same preferences in Christmas music.  In fact, I had no idea that there was a wide variety available.  I figured if they got the words right to Santa Baby, Baby, It's Cold Outside, and could jingle all the way then it was probably great.  Then my husband heard my music.  He didn't say anything the first day, but the second day when he requested we NOT listen to Christmas music, I knew something was wrong. NOT LISTEN TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC DECEMBER 2ND?!?!  WHAAAAT?!  Either I married a stranger, or he had a comment.  Thankfully, the former was it.  He kindly, lovingly informed me, he just didn't really "like" some of my music.  Reasonable, right?  We all have musical differences.. Nope.

It was clearly the end of the world, which I had no issue expressing.  How could we not enjoy the same seasonal magic?  Christmas was ruined.  In fact, maybe our marriage was doomed.  I didn't think we'd ever overcome this tragedy.  Premarital counseling DID NOT prepare me for this shock.  No book or person EVER mentioned discussing Christmas music.  I was afraid.  (Am I dramatic?  Maybe...ok, yes. A lot.  But I recognize it so I like to think that helps make it an endearing attribute.)

After realizing how upset I was, he quickly reassured me that in fact, no, our marriage was not doomed.  He loved me, and Christmas wasn't over.  He would listen to it.  After a little bit for me to come up from the depths of despair, I decided that maybe we could cure this.  It was just "some" of the songs, right?  So, I would play my iTunes Christmas playlist and he could just delete the songs he didn't like.  He was tentative to agree, (he's a really smart guy), but eventually succumbed with the promise that I wouldn't take it personally.

At first, the "delete" didn't seem that often.  Then I felt like it was EVERY SINGLE song.  So I turned it off and fled to throw myself upon the bed as we were back at the beginning.  Ay ya ya, I'm exhausted, and the poor man has to live with me.  He quickly came and comforted me, and once again offered to listen to my music.  I spared him, but let him rub  my feet (hey, my Christmas music was just DELETED).

Needless to say, I realized pretty quickly that Christmas music would never break my marriage, and that we are different in some ways.  I still like to tease him, and Christmas wasn't ruined.  But it made me think--would I be willing to "listen to annoying music" of everyone I love?  This is figurative, ps.  But really, how unconditional is my love?  If they hurt my feelings once, am I quick to flee into the depths of despair?  And will they come chasing after me?  It depends, to be honest.  I tend to overdramatize (shocking, again, I know), but sometimes I can't describe how much something really hurts.  And then when they don't chase after me (this is also figurative, since I don't dramatically run away. I just withdraw...a little at a time), I assume that I meant nothing to them.  That I'm not missed.  But then, how often do I chase after people?  How often do I let go of my pride, my busy-ness, and call and call?  I lose interest pretty quickly or get tired.  But we all know, sometimes we just want to be chased, we want to be needed and wanted.

There are few people who have taught me about unconditional love:  Jesus, my mom, my husband, and very few amazing friends.  They have seen me at my worse, they have seen me when I have nothing to offer (not even a joke), they have chased me, they have given without expecting anything, and they've never given up on me (at least not to my face).  That's powerful.

I hope to be a better friend, and to make an effort.  I've decided that the art of friendship is making effort, and then having the ability to see when someone is trying.  I also plan to revamp my Christmas music and have a mutual likeable mix of it by Christmas 2014 ;)

Lesson learned,
Mrs. B.