Traveling Centered

Hello There,


Sooo it's been a year.  Good news:  I'm alive.  I've also decided that since I'm no longer teaching, I am going to change the focus of my lessons to traveling.  Since I married a fellow traveler/adventurer I've had experience and am looking forward to gaining more experience in this journey!

Now, what makes my experiences unique?  For starters, I have student loans.  Every. single. travel blog I read always talks about how they had a high paying job, no debt, quit/got laid off, and then decided to explore the world because they had no ties.  That's awesome!  Buuuuut, that's not my situation.  I WISH, desperately, that I had no student debt, but sadly, young me didn't have a choice (maybe "wasn't aware of options" is a better way to put it).  Also, I went into education.  Unfortunately, teaching/advising the world's "future leaders" pays about...ummm...well negative money (see:  student loans).  And I'm not single, so there's that, too.  Basically:  I'm not the norm travel blogger.  BUT I've still found ways to travel, and I will continue to.  My goal is to share with you good advice, sarcastic advice, good and bad experiences, and favorite adventures.

I recently read an article that talked about the possibility of a gene that makes people want to travel/wanderlust.  I've decided I believe it.  Have you met or are you one of those people who is perfectly content to stay home, and maybe haven't even left the state you reside in?  I don't understand you (hey, you don't understand me, either!).  When I see pictures of new places, my heart literally beats faster.  When the plane touches down on unexplored land, I want to stay in that moment forever and simultaneously desire to run off the plane and see EVERYTHING.  I get ridiculously jealous of people who post pictures of their travels--I want to be there.  I want to be in the photo or even on the other side of the camera.  I will spend hours figuring out where to go, and how to get there.  Right now, after thinking and writing this, my heart feels like it might explode--I'm ready, world, let me see you!  I want to see new places, meet new people, eat new (but not crazy) food, spend my days learning about the area, swimming in the ocean, hiking, and then go to the next place!

 

I can't wait to share with you my tips, tricks, and amateur mistakes!

Dreaming of Lessons to be Learned,

Mrs. B

Dear Facebook...

Facebook is constantly asking, "What's on your mind," but I find when I go to type what is actually on my mind, the box keeps expanding...and expanding, until I just give up.  I know that no one wants to read a mini essay, but I really do have a lot to say.  With an English degree, you would think I would know how to condense my words, and use only the essential ones, but alas I do not.

Anywhooo, back to the topic. Lately, like for the past year we'll say, I've had conflicting emotions about social media.  A love/hate relationship.  And I keep wanting to alert my "friends," but feel that it would take far too long in a "status update."  You see, part of me is tempted to delete it, but then I ask myself, "What will you do when you're bored?  When you're waiting for the copier to spout out your 90+ papers?  Or when you're at a realllly long red light?  Or when you're procrastinating  going into work?"  Or, "How will I know what's happening in everyone else's lives?  Or how will I hear about the news?"  These feel like really valid concerns.  Is there another time waster/semi-stalking app available out there?

Then I remember how every time I get on, I see what seems to be perfect lives staring out at me.  Everyone seems to CONSTANTLY be somewhere exciting, or laughing with their 50 good friends.  They always look gorgeous.  And they always seem to have had a birthday that I just missed.  

And it reminds me that A) my life has its moments, but for the most part, at least Sept-May, it seems kind of repetitive/non-interesting unless you're me, B) I don't have 50 good friends that live near me..or like 3.  C) I don't look pretty after a run, after a hike, after just waking up, or when the wind is forcing me to eat my hair.  D) I don't mean to ignore your birthday, but by the time I realize I missed it, I just feel terrible.  Plus, your 600 friends posted on your timeline, so did you really miss me not saying it?  E) The good friends I do have that live far away, we barely talk.  Your pictures are full of other friends, and your timeline is full of fun posts from people you see every day.  That makes me sad that I can't share in your life.  F)  On my birthday, I want a phone call, or at least a text.  When you write "Happy bday" on my wall, and we're good friends, I just feel sad.

Does this mean I'm insecure?  Probably.  But in those moments when I'm having fun, or I look good, or I'm surrounded by my 50..err..more like 2 good friends, I'm enjoying every second.  I don't care if my 698 friends, who I haven't seen or talked to since we awkwardly bumped into each other that one time in high school, know it.  

So my Facebook friends, I love you and I think your lives are way interesting.  Please don't take it personally if I don't remind you or wish you a happy birthday.  If we're good friends, I'll call you or text you or send you a card.  I think about you occasionally..or when you pop up in my news feed.  I hope I get to see you soon, whether it's you visiting me or vice versa, but I think for now, I'm going to just enjoy my mundane life, enjoy the people I get to interact with, and hope that sometime soon you're that person.  

See?  Way too long for a status update.

What Teaching Middle School Has Taught Me

The other day I was in a meeting with some administrators and as I was listening to the same 'ol routine of "All students should pass...maybe you're not testing their ability correctly, isn't there some other way besides having them do work to see if they know things....positive reinforcement...", I started to wonder

what would happen if I applied those same principles (I so desperately wanted to be punny and say "principals" but I resisted...) to my own job.

Here is what I came up with:

1.  When I want to stay home from work, I should not have to call.  In fact, they should call me and make sure I'm okay, and tell me if I've missed anything. 


2.  If I miss an entire week of work, I should only have to make up 1 hour the following week.  After all, how much of work is truly valuable?  Apparently 5 days is equivalent to 1 hour.

3.  If my performance review is negative, instead of it being my fault, they should reevaluate the way they judge my performance.  Clearly, they are not judging it in an appropriate way and they need to figure it out.  In the mean time, they should change my review to "acceptable" until they figure out what they did wrong.

4.  Also, if I am struggling in a certain area, instead of offering more training or consequences, they should give me rewards for when I do my job correctly.  Coffee, candy, bonuses, or clothing would be acceptable to me.

5.  Oh yeah, and no matter what my performance, they should most definitely give me high recommendations to my next job!

6.  Now, if I'm really struggling, they should give me an additional prep period a day for me to do whatever I want.  No trainings, no behavior modifications, but maybe some Netflix or Candy Crush time.  Yep, that would work.

Hmmm....this line of thinking clearly makes sense.  The real world encourages me to not be responsible, to not think for myself, to only respond to rewards, and to ALWAYS pass/graduate.  High expectations are ridiculous.  

Now, where do I apply for a job that works like that?

Sarcastic lessons learned,

Mrs. B.

PS-It's been a tough week, can you tell?  Something in our education system desperately needs to change...

I Kissed Dating Hello

I don't know if you remember this fad, but when I was in junior high there was a lot of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" going on.  Granted, I was in youth group, and that's where I primarily heard of this book and fad.  At the time, I had no boyfriend and no prospects so I saw the good in this plan:  Don't date, find the right one, "court," and live happily every after.

Then college hit.  My freshmen year I was so busy performing, making new friends, and exploring Southern California that I hadn't even begun to think about dating.  Then, I hit my sophomore year, moved to more of a "party" school, and suddenly men seemed to notice me.  I had no idea what to do.  I also didn't know how to say "no."  I had spent so much time being told not to date, and that "courting" was better, but never saw it in action.  What did healthy dating look like?  What were ok boundaries?  I had also spent a lot of time learning and believing in abstinence (which I still do, but that's a whole other story), that I had never discussed what was allowed.

So, along came over-18-boyfriend #1.  I spent 4 hours trying to talk him into not dating me (that should have been a red flag).  I spent a year dating him because I felt bad.

 That year and the years to follow also helped me come to some conclusions that I'd like to share with you.

Some Good Casual Dating Rules (Serious Dating Rules to come...but this is just if you're trying to have fun) (Double side note:  These are mostly written from a female viewpoint because..well, I'm a female.  I'd argue you can apply these to men, too):

This really happened...multiple times because of funny friends.

1.  Date and HAVE FUN!  It's ok to say "yes" to a date just because.  This helped me to do a lot of new things, and to meet people in a new place.

2.  If you don't like someone after that initial date, tell them.  Be honest.  And if the guy takes you're "I just want to be friends, and I'm not that interested" as a "I'm saying no now in hopes that you'll keep chasing me and making awkward comments," then guess what--you can't be friends.  Stop talking to him.  Don't lead him on for your own self-esteem issues.

3.  Don't date someone who cries more than you, especially when you're me because I feel like I cry a LOT.  Seriously.  Crying is OK, but if it's ALL the time, then there may be some deeper issues.  (This is more of a personal rule..or was, at least until I found my perfect guy.  Maybe you need someone to cry with..)

4.  If you're uncomfortable with certain physical aggression then SAY SO.  If they cross that line again, off with their heads.  Well, at least stop dating them.  It wasn't an accident.  Respect yourself.  (Side note, have some kind of boundaries.  I wish I had learned this faster.  It's important to know what is too much for you, what should be saved for someone special.  If you don't have definite lines, they'll get crossed.  Trust me.)

5.  Date someone that has their own interests and passions.  Take turns showing each other your interests.  Don't date someone who just latches on.  A) That's annoying and B) it'll get old.  Be different.

6.  Don't read into EVERYTHING.  As tempting as it may be to look at a text and misinterpret it, RESIST.  Don't look crazy, it's too soon.

7.  Be honest.  Have a question?  Wonder if they like you?  Ask.  What do you honestly have to lose?  It'll hurt if you get rejected, but it will save you wasting your time and wondering.  It's freeing when you have the confidence to say, "Hey, I am starting to see you beyond a friend.  I just want us to be on the same page, so what are your thoughts about that?  Do you see me as just a friend or more?"  Then, walk away with a smile no matter their answer, because YOU ARE AWESOME (with or without them).

They may have terrible grammar, but I agree.

8.  Don't lose yourself in another person or whether there's a man in your life.  It's not fair to you, to them, or to your friends who have been around a lot longer.  Have girls' nights, have hobbies, be ok being alone, and don't lose sight of who you are.  Because if they stick around, awesome, if not, you're still YOU.

9.  Keep your things separate, ESPECIALLY when you just started dating, but I'd argue this even long-term dating:  don't get credit cards together, don't combine bank accounts, don't split a car, don't adopt a puppy, etc.  Make sure that if you break up, you will be fine and will not be reminded of them EVERY DAY, or no longer be able to afford your awesome new car.  Seriously.

10.  Last, but not least, be attracted to the person.  I know this sounds shallow, but attraction is necessary.  If it's not there, it's not there.  Not everyone will be attracted to you, deal with it.

Now, I learned a lot of these lessons the hard way, some the funniest ways possible, and some I learned by just watching my friends messing up.  However, I will say that if you are someone who struggles with getting attached or assuming you're in a relationship too quickly, then maybe don't kiss dating hello.  Not everyone can date casually and still be emotionally and physically intact.  I just wish I had learned some of these or had someone to talk to about them first.  Just, please, I beg you, have some standards!  That's all :)

Oh yeah, and have fun!

Lesson learned,
Mrs. B.

Before and After and The Future

Recently, I read an article about how you are actually what you've accomplished, what you can do, and what you can offer to the world.  That saying qualities about yourself (i.e. I'm nice, funny, and clean) is not worth much when it comes down to it.  The article talks about how you are using those qualities to produce something.

Then I saw another article about 23 things to accomplish before you're 23 other than getting married.  Part of it was funny, and part of it was kind of...nonsensical.  The article talks about how huge marriage is and that you should enjoy life and do crazy things, then they suggest opening a business (I think they were going for humor...and to emphasize their point of doing anything but get married).  But the logical me thought, "Open a business?!  Adopt a pet?!  That's worse than getting married.  WAY more responsibility.  I can take my husband with me, I couldn't always take a pet.  I couldn't leave a brand new business.  Thank God I didn't do THAT!"

But then I started reflecting since it's New Years time frame.  And I wondered if I had accomplished anything.  Will marriage stop me?  What have I done since being married?  Well, in typical me-fashion, I made some lists:

Me Before Marriage:

• Graduated high school with multiple scholarship offers
• Loved theatre and got paid to do it, and did it as often as possible
• Led youth groups and taught theatre
• Graduated college with 2 degrees
• Moved many times
• Went through many hardships and heartbreaks successfully
• Cooked good food
• Made friends and loved on those friends
• Traveled to 4 countries and worked in 2 of them
• Road tripped
• Started a career
• Decorated my own apartment
• Hiked a LOT

Me Since Being Married:

• Traveled to 7 countries
• Tried 2 new winter sports
• Hiked new rocks
• Had a new job; quit
• Still with career
• Road tripped
• Went to professional sporting events
• Love theatre & plan to audition at the next opportunity
• Cook even better food
• Love my friends
• Plan surprises for my husband
• Gotten much better at Mario Party
• Planning to get my Masters 
• Looking into future career switch

Hmm...Not bad.  Conclusion:  Marriage encourages me and pushes me forward.  Now I just have someone to share my adventures with, and to help me discover new passions.  I kind of love my life :)  

Future Goals:

• Career Change
• Try some new things
• Work Out..anything.  
• Move!  (With my husband)

Lesson learned and new lessons to come,

Mrs. B.

New Year and The Great Facebook Debate: Single Vs. Married

Oops, I forgot to post my last entry when I finished it, so today brings two.  (I'm currently trying to grade papers..and this is a much better distraction.)

It's 2014!  Wooohooo!  The last year brought about a lot of change to my life--some of it heartbreaking, some of it mediocre, and some of it life-changing.  I also saw a lot of changes to my Facebook friends--it seems like SOOOO many got engaged or married.

Pre-married, when I used to see that, I would start to feel alone.  I'll be honest, I thought I was the ONLY single person in the world.  At times, if I was close to the person, I may have even judged a smidgeon and thought, "That's awful fast.  Do you even know each other?"  However, it never stopped me from living my life and from accomplishing what I wanted.  Most people get lonely, and when that happens Facebook can be terrible in rubbing it in. However, loneliness or fear of being the only single person is not a justifiable reason for assuming everyone getting married is doing so out of desperation or fear of being alone.  I'm sure some people do that, and I'm sure it's annoying to see it all the time.

However, when you got your puppy, did you post about it on Facebook?  Or your fish or your cat or your new nephew or niece?  Yes, you did.  I know this because I have SOOO many pictures of dogs, cats, and babies.  When you looked good one day did you take a picture of yourself and put it up?  You sure did.  So, why is it wrong that when someone gets engaged, looks good in a picture with their significant other, or changes their life and says, "I do," that they post about it?  It's not, actually.  You just don't want to deal with the real issue:  yourself, your insecurities, your fears, or your feelings of loss (once everyone is married, who will I hang out with?  That's hard..Trust me, I know.)  But to be honest, when you post those feelings out loud or put up statuses like "Single is so great.  Here is an article about how your marriage will fail because you rushed it/are too young, etc.", it kind of makes you look...not so great to be polite.

If someone rushed their marriage and it does end, then I hope that you will be there to comfort them, and to remind them of how GREAT single life is.  Not there to condemn them or tell them "I told you so."  I also hope that when you find the greatest love of your life, you suddenly realize why people make a decision to commit their life to one person.  I EVEN *gasp* hope YOU POST ABOUT IT!

I also hope that whether you are single or married, you are doing things for YOU to make YOU happy.  I hope you have goals, and dreams.  I hope you accomplish them.  I also hope that you practice loving others, and sacrificing, and being less selfish.  And, last, I hope you're not relying on anyone to bring you that happiness.

So here's my challenge, instead of posting about how great single life is, or posts seeded with jealousy/insecurities, go DO something!  Prove it.  And I'll prove that marriage is AMAZING, and that I'm still DOING something, too.  Then, we'll hang out, have coffee, and share our adventures.

Lesson Learned,
Mrs. B.

Christmas Music & Its Importance to Relationships

Happy holidays!
I have had a great few days reflecting on love--love in family, Christ, relationships, and friendships.  Starting new traditions, staring at Christmas lights on a tree, looking at ornaments, and listening to Christmas music.  The latter was just an assumed part of the Christmas season.  Beginning December 1st it was socially acceptable to bring out the tunes and sing merrily along, looking forward to the 25th.  At least that was how my life used to be...

Little did I know that not everyone has the same preferences in Christmas music.  In fact, I had no idea that there was a wide variety available.  I figured if they got the words right to Santa Baby, Baby, It's Cold Outside, and could jingle all the way then it was probably great.  Then my husband heard my music.  He didn't say anything the first day, but the second day when he requested we NOT listen to Christmas music, I knew something was wrong. NOT LISTEN TO CHRISTMAS MUSIC DECEMBER 2ND?!?!  WHAAAAT?!  Either I married a stranger, or he had a comment.  Thankfully, the former was it.  He kindly, lovingly informed me, he just didn't really "like" some of my music.  Reasonable, right?  We all have musical differences.. Nope.

It was clearly the end of the world, which I had no issue expressing.  How could we not enjoy the same seasonal magic?  Christmas was ruined.  In fact, maybe our marriage was doomed.  I didn't think we'd ever overcome this tragedy.  Premarital counseling DID NOT prepare me for this shock.  No book or person EVER mentioned discussing Christmas music.  I was afraid.  (Am I dramatic?  Maybe...ok, yes. A lot.  But I recognize it so I like to think that helps make it an endearing attribute.)

After realizing how upset I was, he quickly reassured me that in fact, no, our marriage was not doomed.  He loved me, and Christmas wasn't over.  He would listen to it.  After a little bit for me to come up from the depths of despair, I decided that maybe we could cure this.  It was just "some" of the songs, right?  So, I would play my iTunes Christmas playlist and he could just delete the songs he didn't like.  He was tentative to agree, (he's a really smart guy), but eventually succumbed with the promise that I wouldn't take it personally.

At first, the "delete" didn't seem that often.  Then I felt like it was EVERY SINGLE song.  So I turned it off and fled to throw myself upon the bed as we were back at the beginning.  Ay ya ya, I'm exhausted, and the poor man has to live with me.  He quickly came and comforted me, and once again offered to listen to my music.  I spared him, but let him rub  my feet (hey, my Christmas music was just DELETED).

Needless to say, I realized pretty quickly that Christmas music would never break my marriage, and that we are different in some ways.  I still like to tease him, and Christmas wasn't ruined.  But it made me think--would I be willing to "listen to annoying music" of everyone I love?  This is figurative, ps.  But really, how unconditional is my love?  If they hurt my feelings once, am I quick to flee into the depths of despair?  And will they come chasing after me?  It depends, to be honest.  I tend to overdramatize (shocking, again, I know), but sometimes I can't describe how much something really hurts.  And then when they don't chase after me (this is also figurative, since I don't dramatically run away. I just withdraw...a little at a time), I assume that I meant nothing to them.  That I'm not missed.  But then, how often do I chase after people?  How often do I let go of my pride, my busy-ness, and call and call?  I lose interest pretty quickly or get tired.  But we all know, sometimes we just want to be chased, we want to be needed and wanted.

There are few people who have taught me about unconditional love:  Jesus, my mom, my husband, and very few amazing friends.  They have seen me at my worse, they have seen me when I have nothing to offer (not even a joke), they have chased me, they have given without expecting anything, and they've never given up on me (at least not to my face).  That's powerful.

I hope to be a better friend, and to make an effort.  I've decided that the art of friendship is making effort, and then having the ability to see when someone is trying.  I also plan to revamp my Christmas music and have a mutual likeable mix of it by Christmas 2014 ;)

Lesson learned,
Mrs. B.